Teardrops

If for every teardrop, I had a quarter, I'd pelt them all at you furiously. I really, really hate to be the one to tell you this, but I don't care. I just want to know why people don't know how to be supportive. Why some people look at all of the negatives and ignore the positives. Why? I was happy all day long until I came home. I was so happy. I did what you wanted. I did what you've been telling me to do over and over and complaining about. But, do I get a good job? Do I finally get you to lay off me? No. I guess it's true. When one door closes, another one opens. But I never knew that this could refer to something bad. Leave me alone! I swear, I cannot wait to go home and be with my family who loves me unconditionally. I don't doubt that you love me unconditional. But you should learn how to show it. You should learn how to be supportive and not always look at everything from a negative perspective. I swear, if I won the lottery for 100 million dollars, you'd complain about the taxes. Anything I do that makes me happy, you spit on. I am not entitled to have a parade because obviously the only forecast you can foresee is rain. I mean come on. I am 21 years old. I'm not that smart and I'm not that experienced but let me live my own damn life. Let me decide on my future. Don't ask me questions if you're just going to laugh at my answers. It's my life, not yours. I came out to Cali to do better. To make changes. To be independent and get things that I needed to be production in my life. I did those things. I went to school. I bought my own car. I got insurance. I registered that car. So, all the negativity hasn't phased me. But, it makes me sad to know that I can't even get a good job. You've done alright for yourself. You have your own things. Something you got entirely on your own. Well done? Nothing. I'm sorry bloggers or readers for this rant. I had to unleash those inner feelings before I started throwing things around my house. I was watching I Am Number Four last night or this morning. Depends on how you look at it. But there's a cute moment in there where John (or whatever his name was because they never really disclosed that. Only his fake names which were Daniel at some point and John) tells his love interest Sarah that based on some scrap book looking thing she put together, it seemed like she wanted to run away. She said she'd just be happy when she can get out of there. I can relate. I really can. And he said "I don't know..been to a lot of places"...and she interrupted him to say she had already heard it before. It being "There's no place like home"...I think. Anyway. He says no no, you can go where ever you want. But, "a place is only as good as the people you know in it". That made me think. He's absolutely right. Although it's just writing. It's true. I've been here in Cali with a part of my family that was extremely important growing up. My aunt, my 3 cousins, my brother, and a couple uncles. They were all there with me growing up mean the world to me. But when I came here, no one made me feel welcome except my cousin Brittney. We were like a tag team. We went out together, shopping, bar hopping. Whatever we wanted. We were both in school but we had so much fun together. She recently moved back to Jersey though and I miss her tremendously. My uncle is alright. He never makes me feel not welcomed. And my brother is neither here nor there. But everyone else,  they all just make me feel horrible. Like I don't belong. So I never ever feel like I should be here. I came out here for one reason though. And that was to get a good education, go to university, and get a great job to be successful in back home. I've just started and I don't plan on stopping my path because of their lack of welcoming behavior towards me. And now that I plan on going to Art school, I can go back home for awhile until I do transfer. I don't need to stay here at my aunts for too much longer, so thank god I will be out of this place in a matter of months. My aunt means the world to me. But some people just can't live together and I know just who not to go to if I want to talk to someone about my own ideas. She shuts them down mostly. Or makes me feel stupid for even coming up with such an idiotic idea. I'm sorry I'm not a genius. But anyway. This place is only as good as the people in it. And if you ask me...the people aren't so great for me. The people back home make my living experience amazing. And even though I'll probably be in La for awhile striving towards my music goal, I will always, always know where my home is. TaTa guys.